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Dealing with a drug addict is an exercise in impotence. Because there's nothing you can do; you can support them, you can try to help them, you can pick them up when they've fallen on the floor and don't have the capacity to get themselves back up again, but you can't make them stop. You can't fix them.

Different addicts handle things differently but the one common denominator is that you are less important to them than the drug. And nothing is the drug's fault. Basically drug addiction is one of the most selfish illnesses, all that exists is the user and the drug and the rest of the world just kind of fades away.

Currently my mother is addicted to a whole pharmacopeia of pills; there's the vicodin and the xanax and the ambien and the super muscle relaxant that literally knocks her on her ass. The thing is that, on one level, she knows that she's an addict but she doesn't care, life without her pills is scarier to her than life with them. Except it's not really much of a life at all.

It is what it is. And the thing is, I totally get it. I understand the urge to make the world go away, but most importantly to make yourself go away, banish all of those things about you that you just don't like and never want to think about. And I certainly don't envy anyone who is coming off of drugs, the physical and emotional agony, the way that you never really stop being an addict even when you're not high anymore. It's all awful.

But as hard as addiction is on the addict, it's also difficult for the people on the side, the friends and family who don't want to give up on them even though the weight of dealing with them, with the addiction, only ever grows.

But like I said, it is what it is. Just like the rest of life there are no easy answers, no magic bullets. Sometimes all you can do is take a deep breath and keep on.

comment count unavailable comments at http://liptonrm.dreamwidth.org/53993.html.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 11th, 2013 12:27 am (UTC)
I wish there was something helpful I could say, but I'm glad you shared this with us. Thank you for that trust.

*tight, supportive hugs*

Edited at 2013-07-11 12:28 am (UTC)
Jul. 11th, 2013 01:58 am (UTC)
Oh hon, I'm sorry you're going through this. It all rings true--went through niece's addiction and it hurt a lot of people. She's now in prison, and the sad part is I don't know if being clean will help because I have a suspicion she might be a sociopath as well. Hard to say, with the way addiction makes you act.

I think it would be so much harder to have it be your mom.

Wishing you all the best, and a way beyond.
Jul. 11th, 2013 12:02 pm (UTC)
Jul. 11th, 2013 07:11 pm (UTC)
Oh honey. I send you so much love. Please come visit us if you need a break. I hate to think is you in such an awful and unending situation. All my love.
Jul. 12th, 2013 08:17 pm (UTC)
I'm going to try this one more time but twice now LJ has posted this comment before I was finished typing it. Every time I hit the enter button, so I'm just going to preface it with this disclaimer that if this paragraph here is all you get on this comment, I'm not deleting it this time, but yes, those other two deleted comments were from me. Ugh, LJ.

I know we talk about this stuff with your mom all the time but this post had me all teary-eyed. You have already been through this shit once - (for which I am very sorry) - and now it's on an even more escaleted scale because you live with her. But you are absolutely right - nothing matters but the drug. Other things do matter, but you can't remember them anymore. Or you can't see that you've lost them. Or that you're hurting them.

On the other side, maybe your mom will have her awakening. I mean, you never would have thought it would happen with me, that I would ever stop - I never thought I would, I didn't see any reason too - and it wasn't some terrible thing that made me stop, it wasn't like hitting rock bottom. It was just this one moment of clarity ripping through the haze and 'seeing' what I was doing. Some little voice in my head saying, "Stop. This will kill you." It could happen. In the meantime, you've got to get out of that house - because you're right, you can't make her stop. Only she can do that. And it most likely won't be anytime soon.

In final news - I love you and I appreciate everything you do for us and I will always be right here. At Fangirl Central. Anytime you need me. I'm like Hoggle at the end of Labyrinth, on the other side of the mirror, whenever you need me!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


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